River Arts District

Thoughts on a Mighty Failure

StClaire Art process.jpg

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein

 

For the last several months, I've been trying to figure out what to do with a material I love: Dichroic film. It's a vinyl film with an adhesive back and it's usually used on panels of clear plexiglas for interesting effects. I had a few pieces of clear plex and some of the film, so I applied the film to one side of the plex and experimented with applying paint to it, resin to it, ink to it...just to see what happened. 

"What were you thinking you'd do with it?" you ask. Well, I was asking that same question. I had no idea what I wanted to do with it, I just really wanted to play with it. Then I came up with an legit experiment...which would not be cheap (dichroic film is seriously expensive) but I got the okay from Joy so...I ordered a couple yards of the material. What I ended up doing was creating two paintings the panels of which were built angled toward each other (not parallel to the wall) and I created my painting on that angled surface. I built it up with texture, covered the texture with Italian aluminum leaf, oil paint and resin. Then...I covered the surface with the dichroic film. Then I was outside with the pieces and it started to rain. When I got back into my studio, there were big rain drops all over the surface of my cool paintings. I thought they were ruined except now...who'd have guessed? The rain drops amplified the coloration of the dichroic film, creating little circular puddles of rainbow light everywhere they rested on the surface. So that effect was too cool to pass up playing with so...I dried off the surface of the panels and dropped bits of resin all over the surface of each panel. When the resin cured, I had permanent "rain drops" on the surface of my paintings. The effect was cool. 

And then I posted photos on Facebook and waited for some opinions. Putting together the honest input of friends, I realized I was working with a material that was indeed cool and worth experimenting with, but that the way I was using it was entirely overkill. It's like someone getting all excited about inventing vanilla extract and then trying to convince you that it was amazing and you really need to take a big gulp of it. That would end in disaster, as did my art experiment. Vanilla extract (like dichroic film) is very, very potent. You only need a small bit to make a huge impact. 

So it's back to the drawing board. I'm going to do something with this stuff. And I've got some ideas! 

Winston Churchill once said, "“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” Thank you Winston. I am undaunted. 

Sunset or Sunrise? End or Beginning?

Sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains

Summer Scenes from the Blue Ridge

Here is my next "Sunset" themed piece. Someone last week asked "Is that sunset or sunrise"? Good question since this is just a scene out of my head but to me, this looks restful, not "waking". Now the crickets begin to chirp and cicadas begin their song, unceasing through the night. Someday, I'll paint a good sunrise but for now, this one to me is definitely and happily a sunset over the Blue Ridge mountains. Take a drive on the Blue Ridge parkway in either direction from Asheville at about 8:00 tonight and this is what you'll most likely see (and this is why I love living in Western North Carolina. 

A Funny Thing Happened at the Studio Today...

So, imagine blissfully painting by your window (so you're in your "zone") and a nicely dressed woman (the mayor) enters your studio followed by professional looking gentlemen from HBO carrying TV cameras and a huge boom mic and she starts asking you questions about your unusual painting technique and what it's like to be an artist in Asheville. Yeah, so that was my afternoon!

Color Explosion

abstract commission

The thing I really enjoy about a abstract wall art is that it feels as though I have very little control over the thing. It really does feel like it has a mind of it's own. This piece (above) is a studio photo of what is the largest abstract oil painting I've done. I was given several photos of the room in which it will eventually hang, and then my task was to design an abstract painting that complimented that space and would be a real statement piece. So I had an idea of the colors I was going to use, but that's all.

As I began several weeks ago, I felt like I had some good "movement" going on with the texture I applied. When that texture was done and covered with metallic leaf, then I began the actual paint application, and that's when the fun starts. I just almost randomly chose the first color and a large paint brush and dove right in. What I've learned is that I really need to apply one color at a time to my paintings and let those colors dry before I apply the next layer. This takes days and days, but slowly the piece begins developing into something interesting. Then,  it's a matter of looking critically at the piece and determine what is "growing" that you want to develop and accentuate, and what might need to be minimized (visual dead ends). It's kind of like working in a garden -- mulching the plants and pulling the weeds until everything you want growing is mature and beautiful and everything that should not be there is gone.

This painting is headed out to it's new home in Knoxville, TN in a couple weeks (after it gets the resin application).

My Largest Painting to Date...

Last August, I was hiking with my wife Joy around the mountains of western North Carolina and my mind was relaxing. I could feel it. And when that happens, when my soul "breathes deeply"...that is when I come up with crazy ideas. I can't help it. I'm convinced Joy was brought into my life to consistently bring me back to reality when I start a conversation with "Hey, I have an idea!"

But this time, she just listened and said, "I think you should try it." The idea I had shared was to create the largest painting I've ever done by far. Most of my paintings take about one month to complete. What my mind was questioning whilst hiking that day was "what would a six month painting even look like?" I had no idea. Hmmm.

I still have no idea. This baby is going on nine months now, but it is 90% complete thanks to yesterday. See, yesterday was the last day of studio stroll and it was pouring rain most of the day which was perfect weather to get going on the final stretch of my "big mamma" painting, since no one was exploring the River Arts District in such horrid weather. And because I needed to be there all day, I painted through the downpours and now I'm nearly done.

"Is this a commission?" people ask. "No," I explain. "This is the most impractical art related idea I've ever had." But I had to do it. I am so incredibly thankful that my wife Joy blew on the spark and didn't douse it. Will this ever sell? Is it actually worth the time and effort I put into it? I have no idea and for this one, it doesn't matter.  I want this to be the absolute best oil painting I am capable of creating to date. That is what it is for.

Most of what I do is for very practical reasons, but now and then, I am convinced people need to be okay with doing something simply and only for the joy of doing it. This monster painting is giving me great joy. And when I complete it and it's hanging on the wall in my studio, I will have a party and celebrate. And you'll be invited.

What to do with 2000 visitors in an art studio...

Over the last several days, I've been preparing for our spring Studio Stroll. This is an even that happens this weekend in Asheville's River Arts District and also in the fall and is immensely popular (mostly with locals who spend this time checking in with all their favorite artists). 

"What's a Studio Stroll?"

It used to be the studio stroll meant that for two weekends every year, all the art studios were open to the public and could be visited by, well, by anybody. I don't know how long it went along like that but eventually, some enterprising artist decided to open their art studio to the general public more often than just twice a year, and guess what? People visited their studios. Eventually, artists began to adopt the "open studio" business model and banded together and started advertising that they were here and open to visitors. And so nowadays, people can visit over 200 artists within about a one square mile area and have a good chance of walking in on some artwork actually in the process of being worked on. And because Asheville became known for this business model, I can make a living here doing artwork and greeting visitors from literally all over the country (and other countries). 

So what is the studio stroll like for an artist? That kind of depends on the artist. I love it but it's really exhausting. Imagine being asked by about 2000 people throughout the two days, "hey, why are these paintings so shiny?" "How do you do this?" "Do you really make a living just doing this?" (I love that last question! Ha!) It's honestly great fun talking to so many people who are visiting our studios because they love artwork (so we have something in common right from the start). 

The first couple studio strolls I did I just sat there all day long and greeted people, but not doing anything but sitting there was unbearably boring, so...now I have several canvases ready for the aluminum leaf application (people like watching that) and I will be working on my "Big Mama" 8' x 10' painting when I get tired of the aluminum application. 

You're invited!

So if you're in Asheville or close-ish, please know you're invited by all 200+ artists to pay us a visit. There are free trolleys both Saturday and Sunday. We're ready for you. 

 

Getting Better Acquainted

StClaire Art Studio (Asheville)

A couple weeks ago, I received an email by a studio visitor that wanted to include me in their blog. Of course, I said yes because I love attention. :) Here is some of the questions he asked. (And by the way, if you have questions about my artwork or about art in general), feel free to email me. I'm very happy to answer questions or give art advice!

Q&A

Q. Your website mentions various you venturing into dialuminism around 2001. What made you want to start painting this way? 

A. About 17 years ago, I was at an outdoor street art festival in Mt. Dora, FL. At that event, there was an artist that had a booth filled with Greek Orthodox icons. These were legit. He was painting with hand-ground pigments and traditional gel mediums. They were amazing. I had never, ever seen the color of paint do what it was doing on top of 24c gold. It was incredibly rich and intense. After about an hour in the booth, I went home with an idea. I had to try painting on top of gold leaf (I had a couple scraps around) using the medium I was familiar with (oil paint) to see if it could possibly work. And it did. And then I realized I did not need gold to achieve the effect I wanted. Gold works because it is reflective. After a good deal of hunting around for a metallic leaf that would work, I found Italian aluminum leaf (the most pure aluminum leaf there is). That is what I paint on. And I do that because it reflects light back through my paint, creating a "backlit" oil painting. And I do that because when you back-light pigment (as in a stained glass window), you greatly intensify the color.

Q. What is your favorite piece that you've created? 

A. Whatever I happen to be working on at the moment. I'm serious. Every piece I do is my favorite one I've ever done as I'm working on it.

Q.  Who’s your biggest inspiration as an artist?

A. Makoto Fujimura. He is a Japanese-American artist who paints atop metallic leaf as well.

Q. What drew you to the River Arts District? Why Asheville? 

A. In Asheville, in the River Arts District (at least for right now), I can have a art studio that is open to the public six days a week, and because there is a unique community of over 200 artists within a square mile all of whom are basically doing the same thing, there is enough of a presence to attract people from all over the country (and other countries) to our square mile. And because of that, artists can actually make a living creating their art and selling direct to the client.  (Some art studios I recommend in the area.) 

Q.  Do you know of anyone else in the River Arts District who deserves some exposure?

A. Yes. Daniel McClendon (an awesome abstract wild-animal painter), Cindy Walton (one of my favorite cold wax painters) and Matt Tommey (he makes incredible baskets out of wild vines native to the WNC area).

Q. Is Joy also a painter?

A. Yes. Joy is a painter and awesome #1 assistant. She works on her own pieces (all the small work -- she says she doesn't have the patience for the larger pieces). And she assists me on various steps of my work when I'm slammed. A lot of the gold edges on my paintings have been applied by Joy and she's applied a good deal of the aluminum leaf faces I paint on. And she runs to Walmart and Michael's for art supply runs. I am deeply in debt. 

Q.  Any future developments worth mentioning? 

A.  Always. I'm real excited about a 12' long installation piece (on twelve panels) that I sent to the gallery in Oklahoma City that represents me (Kasum Contemporary Fine Art). I'm experimenting with a new idea (also for a large installation piece) featuring aluminum leaf and dichromic film on clear plex panels. This could be super cool because the color of the panels change depending on the angle you are when you see it. I mean, it changes from yellow to orange to blue as you walk around it. More to come on this.

Spring in Western North Carolina

Spring is one of the big reasons we enjoy living in Western North Carolina. Asheville is amazing this time of year. Visitors begin besieging the Biltmore Estate to see the tulips and daffodils and tourists are beginning to swarm downtown Asheville, creating a congenial commotion as they wander around our streets, shops, restaurants and art galleries. Ahhhh. I love this time of year. Growing up in southern California, spring and autumn were pretty much just "theoretical" seasons. But the character of Asheville and all of western North Carolina completely changes with the turning of the gentle seasons. Joy and I are working in earnest this time of year, finishing up winter projects while there's still time, building up our inventory of oil paintings so we are ready for a new summer season.

So plan a trip! And when you visit Asheville, stop into St.Claire Art studio in the River Arts District and see what we're up to. There are more than 200 artists here and we will happily part with a map to keep you from getting lost! 

 

Now Spring Has Clad The Grove In Green
by Robert Burns

Now spring has clad the grove in green,
And strew'd the lea wi' flowers;
The furrow'd, waving corn is seen
Rejoice in fostering showers:
While ilka thing in nature join
Their sorrows to forego,
O why thus all alone are mine
The weary steps of woe?

The trout in yonder wimpling burn
That glides, a silver dart,
And safe beneath the shady thorn
Defies the angler's art --
My life was ance that careless stream,
That wanton trout was I;
But love, wi' unrelenting beam,
Has scorch'd my fountains dry.

The little flow'ret's peaceful lot,
In yonder cliff that grows,
Which, save the linnet's flight, I wot,
Nae ruder visit knows,
Was mine; till love has o'er me past,
And blighted a' my bloom,
And now beneath the with'ring blast
My youth and joy consume.

The waken'd lav'rock warbling springs,
And climbs the early sky,
Winnowing blythe her dewy wings
In morning's rosy eye:
As little reckt I sorrow's power,
Until the flowery snare
O' witching love, in luckless hour,
Made me the thrall o' care.

O had my fate been Greenland snows,
Or Afric's burning zone,
Wi' man and nature leagu'd my foes,
So Peggy ne'er I'd known!
The wretch whase doom is, "hope nae mair,"
What tongue his woes can tell!
Within whase bosom, save despair,
Nae kinder spirits dwell.

"Can you really make a living here?"

People often ask if it really is possible to make a living as an artist here in Asheville. I answer an appreciative "YES". And there are reasons for that. Asheville is unique. We have within a square mail, over 200 artists with open doors to the public. It's awesome. And because our artists association has done some really great advertising, people from all over the country come through our doors. I don't know many artists here at all that do the art show circuit. We just really don't have to. People come to us. 

So how did all this happen?

Glad you asked. According to AshevilleRAD.com, here's a brief history of the River Arts District: 

The French Broad River, in whose basin the River Arts District resides, is the third oldest river in the world. In 1880, when the railroad first came thru Asheville, our population was around 500 people. By 1900, Asheville boasted 10,000 residents. This boom town reality continued until 1929, when The Great Depression settled in for a long winter's nap. Asheville's River Arts District "woke up" around 1985 and has been evolving for the past 27 years. A group of dedicated artists, landowners & businesses have laid claim to a neglected area of Asheville's riverfront and are calling it home. The first arts based business to locate in what is now the River Arts District was Highwater Clays. They moved from Biltmore Village in 1985, to the current home of Gennett Lumber.
In 1987, Porge & Lewis Buck were the first artists to actually buy a building in the Asheville RAD, which they named Warehouse Studios. 
The early 1990's saw a migration of artists out of downtown into what was the Chesterfield Mill. The first Studio Stroll took place in 1994 and included such notable artists as Kevin Hogan & Cathy Triplett. In 1995, the Chesterfield Mill was consumed by fire, as was most of the old Cotton Mill. One of the remnants of the Cotton Mill was renovated into more live/work studio spaces in 1996 & in 2003, purchased by Marty & Eileen Black & renamed Cotton Mill Studios.
Flood waters are thought to bring good nutrition to the earth they inundate. The combined floodwaters of Hurricanes Francis and Ivan in 2004 had the unintended consequence of destroying the Home Cooking Cafe, which inadvertently made room for 12 Bones Smokehouse (2005). The flood waters also prompted CURVE studios & garden to focus on retail/studios in the ground floor studios... creating the model of studio/showroom that has become a viable economic development tool for the Asheville RAD.
In 2004,Asheville’s Chamber of Commerce to begin using the name "River Arts District". This began a five year branding process that has culminated in 2010 with the "River District Artists" changing their name to the "River Arts District Artists" and the new wayfinding program which incorporates numerous directional signs showing visitors how to find their way down to the River Arts District.
2010 saw an amazing influx of new buildings to the River Arts District starting with Pink Dog Creative @ 342 Depot Street. Randy Shull & Hedy Fischer's "baby" has continued a renaissance on Depot Street that was started by Ray Quate with his 2005 renovation of 352 Depot. Mountain Housing Opportunities has contributed the great vision of Cindy Week's $10 million dollar Leeds certified affordable housing project, the Glen Rock Depot. David C. Stewart & David Frechter transformed the old Southern Depot Nightclub into David C. Stewart's painting studio on the first floor and home to Nourish & Flourish, a Network Care Provider as well as Nia Movement Studio & Fresh Juice & Tea House.
In 2011, Wendy Whitson established Northlight Studios @ 357 Depot Street, providing 4 new studios & Asheville Greenworks. John & Liana Bryant renovated The Hatchery Studios at the north end of the River Arts District with 5 new studios that include a pottery co-op & the fine art studios of Kirsten Stolle & Court McCracken & Art Nurture Asheville as well as White Duck Taco Shop, brain child of Ben Mixson & Laura Reuss. Daniel McClendon has renovated 349 Depot Street into The Lift Studios, home of Daniel McClendon Fine Art.
All these new buildings are making room for some wonderful independently owned "Asheville Grown" businesses. The Wedge Brewery, founded in 2008, thanks to the vision of Tim Schaller & the late John Payne has made the River Arts District fun every night of the week. 
2012 finds some new initiatives as well as new neighbors... Blacksmith, Zack Noble now works from his new studio @ 296 Depot ... www.collectARTasheville.com & AVL2ndsaturday.com are on line with the focus on ART region wide every 2nd Saturday... think Studio Stroll every second Saturday, all year long...
One of the little known and unsung heroes of the River Arts District is a business man named Bill Goacher. Many years back he acquired a number of properties, in what is now the ARAD, simply as a business investment. The brilliance of his vision has always been bright but his approach, very low key. Mr. Goacher rented spaces to artists, at very affordable rental rates, and when a good steward of his buildings showed interest in their purchase, he selectively said yes. The Wedge Studios, founded by John Payne in early 2001, is one of those buildings where Bill Goacher said yes. In 2012, The Wedge was sold again, this time to a consortium of 8 local guys who like to drink beer there and is transforming once again with a new restaurant track side by the owners of The Admiral fame called The Bull & Beggar. 
Perhaps the biggest news in 2012 was the announcement that New Belgium Brewery selected the old WNC Stockyard & Bell's Mini Storage sites on Craven Street, for the location of their $175 million dollar East Coast Brewery. Demolition has begun in early 2013. NBB expects to be serving beer from it "Liquid Center" in early 2015. This new manufacturer will bring over 100 new jobs & tens of thousands of visitors to the west side door of the ARAD.
As life is never static here in the ARAD, 2013 finds a number of new buildings coming on line. Tannery Studios & Switchyard Studios are now open @ 339 Old Lyman Street behind Riverview Station. Galaxy Studios has opened on the north end of the ARAD @ 161 West Haywood Road & Heather Knight of Element Clay Studios has moved over to 362 Depot Street. White Duck Taco has opened Pizza Pura @ Pink Dog Creative to go along with new galleries for William Henry Price, Studio A and The Paintbox.

And then, near the end of 2015, something magical happened...The Paintbox moved from Suite 104 in the Pink Dog Creative building and I moved in and this has been my creative home since then.  Learn more about the River Arts District.

Understanding Abstract Art

"Phi" 

"Phi" 

Are you one of the people who "get" abstract art or do you need a little help? Well, if you need help, don't feel bad. You are not alone. I have felt your pain. Landscape painting is easy enough to understand. A large rendition of a mountain landscape can be an awesome statement piece. But not all wall art is so easy to understand is it?

So if you need help with abstracts, I'd like to share a brilliant article from the Huffington Post written by Priscilla Frank entitled:

"Your Definitive Guide To Reading A Piece Of Abstract Art"

"Abstract art can be a doozy. We’d be lying if we said we’ve never approached a daunting canvas buzzing with indiscernible colors, shapes and stripes and, on the verge of a panic attack, grasped for the nearest museum guide. It’s hard to shake the nagging desire to solve the puzzle at hand, parse through the images and figure out what it all means. But, in our hearts, we know abstract art is no Sunday morning crossword puzzle, and should not be treated as such. On that note, we’re diving in.

"Abstract art is a beast all its own, and as such requires our utmost attention, patience and imagination. “Abstraction is staggeringly radical, circumvents language, and sidesteps naming or mere description,” Jerry Saltz writes in his wonderful manifesto on abstraction. “It disenchants, re-enchants, detoxifies, destabilizes, resists closure, slows perception, and increases our grasp of the world.” And so it may, but how do we actually engage with it?

"We’re taking it slow and attempting to navigate the perilous waters of abstract art one step at a time. Consider this a beginner’s guide to a lifelong relationship between, you, art, and your spirit guide Jerry Saltz. Here are nine things to consider next time you approach a seemingly impenetrable work of abstract art.

There’s no code to crack.

"As human beings, we take pleasure in solving problems. While this is useful in many aspects of life, the realm of abstract art is not one of them. Take a deep breath and let go of the desire to align every brushstroke to a symbolic meaning, every color to an aspect of the artist’s biography. While “getting” an artwork brings a momentary feeling of victory, bathing in its mystery brings enjoyment for far longer.

Don’t look at the clock.

"How long should you take to digest and fully experience a work of art? While the average time spent in front a museum artwork is around 30 seconds, truly taking in an artwork can take years. (Remember when Saltz said abstraction slowed perception?) Kitty Scott, director of visual arts at the Banff Centre, likened learning an artist’s visual language to learning a new written one. “Over the years, you may see 20 works, and then you start to understand their language and what their subject is,“ she explained.

Don’t talk about your five-year-old.

"You know, and have likely felt the urge to recite, the old “my five-year-old could do that.” And yes, sometimes it’s hard to reckon how a white canvas can sit in the MoMA and not in the “before” pile of an artist’s studio. One artist whose work is often looped into this category of the “childhish” is Cy Twombly, whose loopy scribbles often resemble youthful nonsense. But this passage by Roland Barthes may change your mind:

“It is not childish in form, for the child applies himself, presses down, rounds off, sticks out his tongue in his efforts, the child works hard to join the code of grown-ups. [Twombly] draw away from it, loosens, lags behind, his hand seems to levitate — as if the word had been written with his fingertips, not out of disgust or boredom but out of a kind of caprice open to the memory of a defunct culture which has left no more than the trace of a few words.”

"Now, could your child do that?

Don’t think of a picture, think of a thing.

"When we look at a picture, there are certain questions that immediately come to mind. The simplest being, What is it a picture of? When you shift gears a little, you’re free to open your mind up to the many questions that could make their way into your brain. What is this thing? What is it made of? What’s its speed? Its texture? Is it peaceful or cacophonous, heavy or light, open or closed? These questions, unlike the first, have no definitive answers, but may help you locate a starting point from which to navigate the artistic world before you.

"One easy place to start is color. As Wassily Kandinsky, one of the first abstract artists, wrote: “Color is a power which directly influences the soul. Color is the keyboard, the eyes are the hammers, the soul is the piano with many strings. The artist is the hand which plays, touching one key or another, to cause vibrations in the soul.” Perhaps start there. What colors do you see, hear and feel?

Ditch the questions completely.

"If asking questions feels too much like a cross examination, focus on affirmative statements instead. It may sound cliche to think about how the painting makes you feel, but the sentiment isn’t actually too far off. After all, abstract artist Agnes Martin did say “Abstract art is the concrete representation of our most subtle feelings.

"In his book “Pictures and Tears“ James Elkins perused a guest book at the permanent display at the Rothko Chapel. From reading the visitor comments, one would expect the viewers had just witnessed a supernatural event or a religious epiphany rather than sat before an artwork. Comments ranged from “This makes me fall down,” to “The silence pierces deeply, to the heart. Once more I am moved — to tears.” Sometimes asking questions only proves to be a distraction.

That being said, don’t stress about getting emotional.

"We know few things are more frustrating than watching a fellow museum-goer weep uncontrollably in front of an artwork you think is just okay. You don’t have to love or even like every piece. Don’t be afraid to move on and find one that speaks to you.

Read the wall text.

"Here’s the part where you get a clue, if you’re so inclined. While the title will not, and should not, explain the piece, it could illuminate an aspect of it or an angle from which to view it you hadn’t noticed before. Let the work’s verbal and visual components bounce off each other, and harmonize. You may not get closer to understanding, you may even wind up more confused. It’s all part of the process. Also, you could wind up with an untitled piece.

"Along with the work’s title, knowing the era and geographical origin of the artwork will also help acclimate you to the atmosphere from which the piece emerged. To again quote Kandinsky, art and literature reflect “the dark picture of the present time and show the importance of what at first was only a little point of light noticed by few and for the great majority non-existent. Perhaps they even grow dark in their turn, but on the other hand they turn away from the soulless life of the present towards those substances and ideas which give free scope to the non-material strivings of the soul.”

"What would a work like this say about the world from which it came? The essence may be so radical it couldn’t yet be put into words.

Remember, some artists don’t even know, or care, what their work means.

"This is the part where you take a deep breath and fully accept the fact that you’re working outside the realm of answers and explanations. Even the artists themselves sometimes don’t dwell over why they’re making what they’re making. In a talk at MoMA, famed abstractionist Ellsworth Kelly was asked about his iconic “Chatham Series,” which dates back to 1972. “It’s hard to remember. I’m quite impressed with them now!“ He said, gesturing to the works and sighing. “But it’s always a mystery looking back.” If Ellsworth himself is content to marvel at the mystery of his own works, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be also.

Think about the fact that all art is really abstract art. And let your mind be blown.

"There’s an old art lovers’ tale about an American soldier telling Picasso his artworks aren’t close enough to life. He pulls out a photo of his fiancee and says: “This is what a picture should look like.“ Picasso, in typical Picasso fashion, responds: “Your girlfriend is rather small, isn’t she?” Point being, all art is abstracted from reality, or else museums would take up a lot more space.

"Whether this assuages your anxiety or throws you into a downward spiral of panic is up to you. To again quote Jerry’s infinite wisdom: “Abstraction is as old as we are. It has existed for millennia outside the West. It is present on cave walls, in Egyptian and Cypriot Greek art, Chinese scholar rocks, all Islamic and Jewish art — both of which forbid representation. Abstraction is only new in the West.” Abstraction was around way before your pretentious art school friend showed you his dot experiments and expected you to be impressed.

"This is where our brief foray into the wonders of abstraction comes to a close. While this short list may not help you understand your next trip to your local modern art museum, it may alleviate some of the pressure to understand it in the first place.